more bad luck

I've decided I'm going to move to California and start cultivating fruit trees because, man, I am EXCELLENT at picking lemons!

We had our inspection on the beautiful house we are trying to buy. It went badly. Very badly. At one point, early on, the inspector asked us if we wanted him to bother continuing.

ARGH!!

We started the inspection in the basement because we knew it wasn't pretty down there what with the dirt floor and the mention of "water leakage" by the current owner. Well, the water leakage is bad enough that they've dug trenches down there, and the cinder block foundation is buckling inwards. That's too bad because it happens to be holding up the rest of the house.

We are having some contractors look at it to tell us how much it will cost to fix it but we already know the price tag is going to be HIGH for this. We haven't made any definite decisions, but it almost seems like we are leaning towards sucking it up, buying this unsound house, and making it sound. We seem to be unable to find an actual decent house, and I like everything else about this property. The view is to die for, the woods are beautiful, the pond and general layout of the yard is fabulous, and the proximity to a small town is pretty handy. Sitting in the living room you feel a sense of peace kind of washing over you, even while contemplating the awful inspection.

There's also the added bonus of extra living space once a decent basement is poured. We can add a rec room and spare bedroom, and Mark wants to add a bathroom down there and take the toilet and sink out of the laundry room.

Does everyone go through this much crap trying to buy a house? We are definitely resigned to the fact that we'll be putting in major work no matter what we buy, so we might as well buckle down and do it. We've been living out of our suitcases for just about five months now and I'd love to unpack sometime soon.

Meanwhile, this house-hunting search is looking like a slow-motion train wreck. Hopefully we will survive!

and another thing

In addition to my last post, which relied on pictures, I'd like to give you a sampling of what I've learned about the language of "Real Estate-ese", which seems to be similar to - but is in fact vastly different from - the English language.

REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"This property is calling out for new owners to utilize all the property has to offer."
ENGLISH:
Please hurry! Current redneck owners are destroying the house and outbuildings, shooting the local wildlife (including protected species), and cutting down the trees! Buy this house before there's nothing left!


REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"...privately situated at the end of a long winding drive..."
ENGLISH:
Public trail used by hikers, bicycles, and ATVs bisects both the property and driveway really close to the house, but other than that the driveway is long and private!

This next one has two interpretations! Behold:

REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"Parking type: Garage"
ENGLISH:
There's a shed. You can drive over the lawn and fit your Smart Car in there with many inches to spare!
OR...
ENGLISH:
Please park in the dilapidated barn located in a completely separate area of the property than the house is, if you can get the collapsing door opened. It's a short 1,000 foot stroll uphill through a hay field to the house from there! Make sure to bring friends to help you carry all your heavy groceries.


REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"A beautiful, large pond beside the house is home to pet ducks and many, many wild ones."
ENGLISH:
There is a pond. Near the pond there is one domestic duck.


REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"House is solid needing cosmetic repair..."
ENGLISH:
Ancient abandoned house with fire damage, water damage, leaking roof, and rotted-out porch and stairs at entry seeks gullible buyer. Outside door held closed with wire and a nail. All windows need immediate replacement.


REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"Expanded cottage retains some character..."
ENGLISH:
Half of the house is livable! The other half used to be a cottage and is un-insulated, rotting out, and falling down! Also, we were sure you'd like to install a woodstove when you moved in so we CUT A HOLE IN THE ROOF FOR YOU.


That's all I've got for this edition of "Real Estate-ese" tips and samples. I hope you will find them useful when you decide to purchase your next property!

bad real estate round-up

Before we found the place we're buying we saw a lotta hum-dingers! I'd love to show you all the horrid things we saw but I only took pictures of a small percentage of them.


At the first place we saw, this lovely mascot greeted us at the top of the stairs. As you walk up the stairs he looks like he's about to pounce on your head. This was the same house that had shotgun shell casings scattered in the driveway and the woods. YEE-HAW.


One old farmhouse had the steepest of steep stairs that were so narrow that a third of my foot hung off of when my heel was jammed against the back of the stairs. (I wear a women's size 7.5.) At the bottom of these steep and tiny stairs? Well, a door. But not just any door. A door that leads outside, but is about three feet above the ground. Do you see the possibilities?


Gotta love these roomy old farmhouse closets. Couldn't even fit a body in this one, I'm pretty sure. Also, I see four different kinds of wallpaper. Niiiice.


To be fair, this tub o' doom was found in a place that was more hunting cabin than it was house. But still... I mean, ew...


A random pile of insulation. What's that splattered on the wall? Wait, no, don't tell me.

ANYWAY.

We had fun. We laughed and pointed a lot. We're glad the house hunt is (probably) over.

Eeeeeek!

The paperwork is signed, and assuming there are no problems with inspection/water testing/other boring stuff, we will own that awesome place on August 14th.

We have been telling Arlo and Oliver that we bought them a house, but they don't seem to care. Spoiled dogs.

Third time the charm?

Well, we've made yet another offer. This brings our total to four offers on three different properties.

I REALLY REALLY hope we get this house. It's beautiful, the land is beautiful, it's right across the road from the ocean, and is only five kilometres away from a cute little town, which makes it convenient for groceries and supplies but still private.


It's been on our list of places to view for a long time, but we were never near enough to that area of the province to actually go view it. I brought up the MLS listing to show my dad a few days ago, and saw that the asking price had suddenly dropped by a very significant amount. Owners want to sell! We got mobilized and went to see it right away and had made an offer before we got home again.

Today we're awaiting a counter-offer that I'm pretty certain we will accept.
In the meantime I feel paralyzed and unable to be productive. I'd like to say "there, I bought a house" but it's so far from certain at this point, and went so badly last time... please keep your fingers crossed for us!!

So Wrong!

What not to do to your bedroom when trying to sell your house:


... I just don't have anything else to say about that.

that was no fun

Well, our real estate deal officially went kablooey today. The seller wanted the moon and wanted us to lick his boots while we were giving it to him. NOT BLOODY LIKELY. After two weeks this painful, difficult deal is officially over, and the two real estate agents involved are no longer on speaking terms.

Happy birthday to me.

On the brighter side, we have lots of properties to look at and any one of them might be as good as or better than anything we've seen yet. We are both discouraged yet relieved about the recent events - I think seeing other properties will be a sort of a healing thing to do. (You all have NO IDEA how hard we've worked over the past two weeks to compromise with the seller and his mousy little vindictive listing agent.)

Wish us luck! It's not working out so well so far but it's just a matter of time...

fighting for a sale

Well, we made an offer for the sweet little house on the hill with 123 acres and beautiful river frontage. The bad news is, we made the offer a week ago and we're still struggling with negotiations. We agreed on price a mere three days in, but the shady chump that currently owns the place does not want ANY strings attached; even the normal kind like testing the water. Even better, the listing agent doesn't understand the concept of a deadline and avoids calls and emails from our agent. This has made is a veeery sloooow, very painful process. Our real estate agent told her off pretty badly at one point and Mark and I have learned never to expect prompt responses to any of our communications with them.


Meanwhile, we have been essentially homeless for almost four months, living either in our little travel trailer or in other peoples' spare bedrooms. It will feel very nice to unpack our duffel bags sometime in the foreseeable future... perhaps we'll have a signed contract by the deadline of 2pm today. (Or 2:30 if the listing agent stays true to character.)

*Sigh*.

We are quite taken with the charming little house and the beautiful forest and river behind it, but we simply cannot bend on the water testing and other issues, lest we find ourselves with a ten thousand dollar pipe problem after the fact.

This is all more than a little frustrating!