La Dee Da

Sixteen days til our closing date and we still don't know if we can actually buy the property or not. It all hinges on some mysterious permits which may or may not exist, and without the permits the mortgage doesn't happen, and we probably wouldn't want to buy the place sans building permits anyway.

Also, someone took our good camera into that house last time we were there (weeks ago) and left it there. So I have no new pictures for you guys. You'll have to make do with random pictures I've received from other people and am posting without warning them.

Here's an awesome Greyhound in his racing silk:


For those of you who know who this is, he's been living in his new home for almost exactly a year and he's doing great from what I hear!

road trip flashback

When we went on our road trip from Vancouver Island to Mexico to Nova Scotia, we took a lot of "us" pictures by holding the camera at arms length and pointing at ourselves. Here they are, in chronological order.


This one is from our first day of travel, on the ferry from Victoria, BC to Port Angeles, Washington:

Also from the first day - this is a beach in Washington state:

Another beach, this one in Oregon. Oregon coast beaches are AMAZING, by the way:

Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco:

Walker Lake, Nevada. Huge lake in the middle of the desert. We saw a Jackalope there. (Or possibly a rabbit.):

Next four are from Death Valley, where we got really camera-happy:




Grand Canyon, beautiful tourist trap:

Roadkill Cafe on Route 66 in Arizona. Their motto: "You kill it, we grill it":

Grand Canyon Caverns, a cave system near the Grand Canyon that nobody seems to know about. It's as good as (or better than) the Grand Canyon though, so if you're ever in the area, check it out:

Lake Havasu City, Arizona, the town that bought the London Bridge from England:

Outside our hotel in Las Vegas:

On Fremont Street in Las Vegas, watching the light show:

The White Sands desert in New Mexico. You have to drive along the perimeter of a gigantic missile testing range for a long time to get to this place. The sand is REALLY, REALLY white here. Like pure white - you have to see it to believe it:

This next one was taken inside a home-made "alien black-light exhibit" that we were suckered into paying $2 each to see in Roswell, New Mexico. It was not worth $2.

Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico. (Not as good as the Grand Canyon Caverns.) I'm not sure why we look so shell-shocked, but here it is:

Downtown New Orleans:

In the back yard of Elvis Presley's house. Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee:

In the woods at the Museum of Appalachia near Knoxville, Tennessee:

In front of an atomic bomb at the "American Museum of Science and Energy", which should really be called the "American Defensive Museum that makes Excuses for Nuking Japan":

The third and final cavern that we visited: Luray Caverns, Virginia. Definitely the prettiest cave of the three that we saw on our trip:

Hersheypark in Hershey, Pennsylvania:

The Martin Guitar Factory - the second guitar factory that Mark made me go to on our road trip:

I kind of noticed when sorting these pictures that we only really did "us" shots when we were on the move. When we stopped and spent time in one spot, like in Mexico and at Porcupine Hill Farm, there were no "us" shots. Analyze that and tell me what it means.

Also, it's time for audience participation. I kept wanting to write more about particular places and/or pictures while doing this post, but this wasn't the right post for long, involved stories. If any of these pictures or places seem neat to you, leave a comment and I'll expand on what you're interested in. I promise I'll make it as funny as possible.

Done deal. Probably.

Time for a happy post. Looks like almost all the wrangling is over, and we might own a house very soon. The one outstanding issue has to do with permits, and the lawyers just need to investigate and make sure it's legal to live in the house. We're not taking anything for granted, so the permit issue still might wreck the deal, but nothing else will!


Even with the outstanding permit issue, we've decided that it's a done deal and we're trying to finally relax. The closing date is mid-August, so soon it will be time to organize a move! Considering the fact that all our remaining personal belongings from Victoria have been in boxes for months, at least packing won't be a problem.

draaaagging it out....

Who'da thought that we could still be dragging through negotiations and legal requirements after all this time? Everything is STILL up in the air and the situation honestly changes about six times a day, every day. When we take a few steps forward, something strange happens and then we have to add the strange stuff to our to-do list, which has changed completely since we started negotiations but still contains (at this exact moment) two large items that could squash the deal if not resolved, and there's no guarantee that they're resolve-able.

We are encountering problems I never could have imagined. We are encountering real estate problems that our realtor has never encountered before, and we are encountering legal problems that our lawyer has never encountered before. They asked their colleagues, and they've never encountered this crap before either.

I won't go into details, but I'm getting tired of hearing the phrase "I've never heard of that before" from everyone.

I am reminded, however, that I've got it pretty good. A friend recently found out that he has serious gall bladder issues that may affect his health for the rest of his life, and one of my dear relatives, who has already been dealt at least four VERY serious blows in terms of her health in recent years, now also has a malignant melanoma. She is the same age as me. We share lineage. She got ALL the hereditary health problems; I got none. Mark and I are both thinking of you right now, and we hope you get through this relatively quickly and painlessly! (You know who you are.)

As I was saying, my problems, really, are sort of trivial.

More next week - this has to end some time, right??!

Sigh...

Thinking of happier times.




... Gee, that was good times! Okay, back to reality now.

Yet again we find ourselves weeks into a real estate deal, and yet again the outcome is very, very far from certain. We've figured out by this point that nobody involved has a really good handle on how to treat oddball rural real estate purchases that include large tracts of land with houses on them.

If this deal falls through, I've already vowed that I will not look at another single house. I will search for vacant land and we will put a house on it ourselves.

Or something.

more bad luck

I've decided I'm going to move to California and start cultivating fruit trees because, man, I am EXCELLENT at picking lemons!

We had our inspection on the beautiful house we are trying to buy. It went badly. Very badly. At one point, early on, the inspector asked us if we wanted him to bother continuing.

ARGH!!

We started the inspection in the basement because we knew it wasn't pretty down there what with the dirt floor and the mention of "water leakage" by the current owner. Well, the water leakage is bad enough that they've dug trenches down there, and the cinder block foundation is buckling inwards. That's too bad because it happens to be holding up the rest of the house.

We are having some contractors look at it to tell us how much it will cost to fix it but we already know the price tag is going to be HIGH for this. We haven't made any definite decisions, but it almost seems like we are leaning towards sucking it up, buying this unsound house, and making it sound. We seem to be unable to find an actual decent house, and I like everything else about this property. The view is to die for, the woods are beautiful, the pond and general layout of the yard is fabulous, and the proximity to a small town is pretty handy. Sitting in the living room you feel a sense of peace kind of washing over you, even while contemplating the awful inspection.

There's also the added bonus of extra living space once a decent basement is poured. We can add a rec room and spare bedroom, and Mark wants to add a bathroom down there and take the toilet and sink out of the laundry room.

Does everyone go through this much crap trying to buy a house? We are definitely resigned to the fact that we'll be putting in major work no matter what we buy, so we might as well buckle down and do it. We've been living out of our suitcases for just about five months now and I'd love to unpack sometime soon.

Meanwhile, this house-hunting search is looking like a slow-motion train wreck. Hopefully we will survive!

and another thing

In addition to my last post, which relied on pictures, I'd like to give you a sampling of what I've learned about the language of "Real Estate-ese", which seems to be similar to - but is in fact vastly different from - the English language.

REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"This property is calling out for new owners to utilize all the property has to offer."
ENGLISH:
Please hurry! Current redneck owners are destroying the house and outbuildings, shooting the local wildlife (including protected species), and cutting down the trees! Buy this house before there's nothing left!


REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"...privately situated at the end of a long winding drive..."
ENGLISH:
Public trail used by hikers, bicycles, and ATVs bisects both the property and driveway really close to the house, but other than that the driveway is long and private!

This next one has two interpretations! Behold:

REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"Parking type: Garage"
ENGLISH:
There's a shed. You can drive over the lawn and fit your Smart Car in there with many inches to spare!
OR...
ENGLISH:
Please park in the dilapidated barn located in a completely separate area of the property than the house is, if you can get the collapsing door opened. It's a short 1,000 foot stroll uphill through a hay field to the house from there! Make sure to bring friends to help you carry all your heavy groceries.


REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"A beautiful, large pond beside the house is home to pet ducks and many, many wild ones."
ENGLISH:
There is a pond. Near the pond there is one domestic duck.


REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"House is solid needing cosmetic repair..."
ENGLISH:
Ancient abandoned house with fire damage, water damage, leaking roof, and rotted-out porch and stairs at entry seeks gullible buyer. Outside door held closed with wire and a nail. All windows need immediate replacement.


REAL ESTATE-ESE:
"Expanded cottage retains some character..."
ENGLISH:
Half of the house is livable! The other half used to be a cottage and is un-insulated, rotting out, and falling down! Also, we were sure you'd like to install a woodstove when you moved in so we CUT A HOLE IN THE ROOF FOR YOU.


That's all I've got for this edition of "Real Estate-ese" tips and samples. I hope you will find them useful when you decide to purchase your next property!